Letting Go

Every night I sit up until 11,12,1... in a quiet, motionless house. I have put the boys to bed, Jeremiah has gone to bed and by these times I've nursed Kaiya once (since initially going down for the night) and re-put her to bed. Why do I sit up? I really am not sure. Tonight it may have been the combination of the Cherry Coke Zero I drake with dinner and the fact that I have to stay up until 10 each night to (um... take my medicine). Either way it really doesn't matter cuz here I sit. Lately as I've sat up I've been reading and re-reading articles from old Ensigns (a magazine put out each month from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints). I have come to the realization that I, like so many of my friends, have a hard time letting go of things from my past.

Some of the GREATEST feelings we experience as mortals on earth have to do with the sensations associated with letting go of something... for instance: USING THE BATHROOM. The body has this moment where it is as though it lets out it's breath after holding it in forever, there is another example... LETTING OUT YOUR BREATH after holding it. I am talking about this reaction because I've decided that I should be letting go of the toxic parts of my past that I just constantly try to hang onto and seem to never want to let go of.

We all walk different paths in our lives. We all take detours and wind up in places we never saw ourselves in. People along the way can determine where we go and why. I have had positive detours as well as some, strike that, MANY negative ones. I remember both, but I seem to allow those negative ones more reign on the decisions I make for my future. So here I sit night after night reminiscing about my life and where I have been and where I want it to go. How I want to teach my children so they don't make those same crucial mistakes I made in my young adult life. How I can not let those mistakes dictate who I am today and where I'll be tomorrow.

I am a daughter of God, WHO LOVES ME, and I LOVE HIM. There is no other knowledge that I need to know in this life, at this time. If there is a God (and THERE IS A GOD) and HE loves me despite all the problems I have endured, why then does it seem too hard for ME to let go of those problems sometimes. Through Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer we can all be forgiven of our mistakes we make while here on earth. We can all "wipe the slate clean" and be made whole again. I have felt my Savior's love. I know he is there for all of his children trying to survive this experience we call life. I know that no matter how hard life gets or how many times I fall on my face He will be there to pick me up and help me press on. I need to let go of the bad and hold onto the good. Remembering that there is JOY in life. And life is full of JOY when we finally LET GO!