A few things have happened in the last 2 or so weeks that have seemed to stir up emotions that have apparently been skimming the surface for quite some time. The hardest and most difficult thing I think any mother (or father for that matter) could ever experience is the loss of a child. My SIL and a few of her closest friends have been counting down the days for each of them to welcome a new baby into their lives the last 9 months. Tenisha had Brooks mid-March and the next friend was due to have her baby 2 weeks ago. She went to her checkup at 39 weeks and was starting to dilate and enter into the beginning phases of labor (YEAH! right?) That was Thursday (2 weeks ago) and by Saturday she was having full contractions and headed to the hospital to have her beautiful baby boy... I don't know details. All I know is, that night she was holding her baby, but he had already passed on to the next phase of his mission. I don't understand why she had to endure 39+ weeks of pregnancy and labor just to have her baby released from her body and told she would never take him home. She would never nurse him. Have him cry for her in the night. NONE of the things she had been looking so forward to for the last year. I lay in the beds of my children at night now, holding them close to my chest. Cherishing every breath they take and every smile they show me. Realizing that even when they are loud and running around like crazy I AM SO GRATEFUL THEY ARE WITH ME. I have never had to feel any type of loss of a child/pregnancy. I can not pretend to know what many of you have gone through with such sorrow and pain.
With so many friends/family members struggling with fertility I get frustrated seeing children born to parents that, in my opinion, should NEVER be allowed to have children. They don't show them love, attention, affection of any kind. They are in such desperate need of those things they will take it in any form then can. Children exposed to parts of life that I didn't know existed until I was in college and beyond. Children, little children like mine, that are dealing with adult issues and emotions because they have been put in those situations from the time they enter this life and aren't expected to succeed at anything. They are told over and over "You can't do it", "You'll never be anything important" or "Why are you trying?" Statements that were told to my own husband as he grew up and started to try and find some type of success (not from parents). We are all teachers whether we have a degree to do so or not we are teaching the youth of today to become the kind of adults they will be sooner than later. As the school year nears an end I am fearful for many of the students I work with on a daily basis. I fear they will find "fun" in those activities that are less than positive. I fear for some that they will have to endure abuse more frequently and more intensely due to the fact they are home all day with their parents. Why can't I be rich and just take all these little souls into my home and take care of them the way our Heavenly Father intended them to be? Why couldn't their spirits have gone into a home where they would be cheered for and taken care of and LOVED so completely UNCONDITIONALLY?......
Those are just 2 of my issues I've been dealing with in my heart these last few weeks... (I'll try to post a positive post tomorrow)
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